ESCAPE FROM SNAKE ISLAND - PART 4

THIS FUNNY LITTLE FELLA IS OSHIRI KAJIRI MUSHI, OR IN ENGLISH: THE ASS BITING BUG. AS HIS NAME MIGHT IMPLY TO THE MORE ASTUTE MEMBERS OF MY READERSHIP, HE IS INDEED FOND OF BITING INTO ASSES. HE REGULARLY APPEARS ON TELEVISION SINGING HIS CREEPY MONOTONE SONG ABOUT ASS BITING, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO DEMONSTRATE BY BITING INTO AN ASSORTMENT OF AVAILABLE ASSES. CURIOUSLY, THE ASS-BITTEN VICTIMS ALSO SING ALONG.



BY CHANCE, WE HAPPENED UPON THE OSHIRI KAJIRI MUSHI AT THE LOCAL ARCADE. AS YOU MIGHT HAVE PREDICTED, HE DID, IN FACT… BITE OUR ASSES. HORRIBLE AS IT WAS, WE MANAGED TO RECORD THE INCIDENT ON CAMERA TO SHOW TO THE AUTHORITIES.
AND TO OUR FRIENDS.

ESCAPE FROM SNAKE ISLAND - PART 3

I’VE BEEN TO KAGOSHIMA 3 TIMES NOW. I’VE ALSO BEEN TAKEN TO ONE PARTICULAR VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT IN KAGOSHIMA EACH OF THOSE 3 TIMES. THIS TIME AROUND I WAS ESCORTED BY FIVE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN. NATURALLY, I’D MUCH PREFER SITTING AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF FAT DUDES TALKING BASEBALL STATS… BUT AS JESUS TAUGHT, TO LIVE IS TO SUFFER.

AT LEAST I THINK IT WAS JESUS. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY OLD TEACHER, FATHER HEALY. HE USED TO BEAT US.


NO NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN WITH FIVE FINE LADIES IS COMPLETE WITHOUT A TRIP TO THE PHOTO PRINT CLUB AT THE ARCADE (ALSO KNOWN AS PURINTO KURABU (OR PURI-KURA), TO THOSE WHO PREFER ENGRISH).


AFTERWARDS, YOU CAN WORK ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN TO PRETTY UP YOUR PICS WITH FLOWERS, STRAWBERRIES AND RAINBOWS. IF I WASN’T CLEARLY SO MACHO, I MIGHT WORRY ABOUT MY PARTICIPATION COMING ACROSS AS A LITTLE… GAY... PERHAPS.

NOTHING A NIGHT OF SITTING AROUND WITH FAT DUDES TALKING BASEBALL STATS COULDN’T REMEDY, THOUGH.

ESCAPE FROM SNAKE ISLAND - PART 2

HERE ARE SOME INTERESTING PHOTOS FROM KAGOSHIMA THAT YOU WON'T POSSIBLY FIND INTERESTING.



THIS IS THE VIEW FROM MY HOTEL WINDOW. WHY DID I BOTHER TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT? SOMETIMES THE QUESTION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE ANSWER.

EXCEPT IN THIS CASE. NEITHER IS WORTH A DAMN.



HERE'S THE COLONEL REACHING OUT WITH HIS WITHERED OLD HANDS TO CLEAVE THROUGH YOUR RIBCAGE AND PULL OUT YOUR SOUL. THIS MAN'S FACE REPRESENTS EVERYTHING THAT I HATE ABOUT THE MEAT INDUSTRY.

AND OLD PEOPLE.

ESCAPE FROM SNAKE ISLAND - PART 1

ON OCCASION I TRY TO MAKE IT TO THE MAINLAND TO ENJOY WHAT THE RURAL LIFE ON MY ISLAND CAN'T PROVIDE. THINGS LIKE BUILDINGS WITH MORE THAN THREE FLOORS, HIGHWAYS WITH MORE THAN ONE LANE (BY WHICH OF COURSE I MEAN ONE LANE SHARED BY BOTH DIRECTIONS), AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY... AFFORDABLE LETTUCE.

HERE'S A ROMANTIC MOMENT BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS AT A MARRIAGE RENT-A-ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF AN OUTDOOR MALL.



I TOLD MY PAL XINGLING THIS SIGN BELOW WAS MY BELOVED ISLAND. A CLOSE LOOK REVEALS THAT THIS PARTICULAR ISLAND HAS ABOUT 3 HOMES ON IT, AND A SMALL BICYCLE. SEE, IT'S FUNNY CUZ MY PLACE HAS ABOUT 8 OR 9 HOMES, AND AT LEAST 2 SCOOTERS. CLEVER, RIGHT? ...Hmmm, GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.


STAYING ON THE MAINLAND IS A NICE VACATION FOR MY BRAIN, TOO. I GET TO SPEAK AS LITTLE JAPANESE AS POSSIBLE, SINCE XING'S JAPANESE IS JUST AS GOOD AS (IF NOT BETTER) THAN MINE (THOUGH I WON'T ADMIT THAT TO THAT... uhhh, EVEN THOUGH I JUST DID).

IT'S ESPECIALLY FUN TO LET HER DO ALL THE TALKING WITH THE LOCALS SINCE (BY THE JUDGEMENT OF SOME) SHE SOMEWHAT RESEMBLES THEM (OR TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, SHE'S MORE LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN AS JAPANESE THAN I AM... PERHAPS). THE PUZZLED LOOKS ON STORE CLERK FACES WHEN THEY HEAR HER ACCENT ARE PHOTO-WORTHY. FOR PERSPECTIVE, TRY PICTURING A MAN WITH A 10-GALLON COWBOY HAT AND HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE ASKING YOU FOR DIRECTIONS WITH THE ACCENT OF A MILD-MANNERED BRITISH GENTLEMAN.


THESE OUTDOOR HEATERS ARE QUITE NICE IN THE WINTER TIME, IF YOU DON'T MIND STANDING NO FURTHER THAN A FOOT AWAY WITH YOUR ARMS RAISED THE ENTIRE TIME. WHAT THEY LACK IN ENERGY EFFICIENCY, THEY MORE THAN MAKE UP FOR WITH... SOMETHING ELSE... I'M ASSUMING.