WE CARE ECOLOGY

I CARE GRAMMAR.

...BUT IT'S SET IN SPACE! (read to the end)

SO I SAW THIS GREAT MOVIE THE OTHER DAY. REGARDLESS OF THE BEAUTFUL VISUALS, IT'S THE STORY THAT TRULY SETS IT APART FROM OTHER FILMS.

IT'S ABOUT THIS DOWN AND OUT SOLDIER WHOSE LEGS ARE RENDERED USELESS FROM TERRIBLE COMBAT INJURIES. HE'S LEFT EMPTY INSIDE WITH NOTHING WORTH LIVING FOR, UNTIL HE IS GIVEN A RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BE SENT TO THE FURTHEST REACHES OF THE FRONTIER. IT IS A HOSTILE, UNWELCOMING NO-MAN'S LAND WHERE CIVILIZATION HAS YET TO ACHIEVE MUCH OF A FOOTHOLD.

THERE HE DISCOVERS A RENEWED SENSE OF WONDER, AND A PURPOSE TO HIS BEING. HE SOON ENCOUNTERS HOSTILE NATIVES WHO DESPERATELY WANT HIM AND HIS KIND OFF THEIR LAND, AND ARE WILLING TO KILL IN ORDER TO MAKE THEIR POINT. HOWEVER, HE IS EVENTUALLY ACCEPTED INTO THEIR TRIBE ONCE THEY RECOGNIZE HIS PURE HEART AND WARRIOR SPIRIT.

THE TRIBE'S LEADER PUTS A YOUNG WARRIOR GIRL IN CHARGE OF WATCHING OVER THE SOLDIER, SINCE NOT ONLY IS SHE ONE OF THE FEW MEMBERS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF COMMUNICATING WITH HIM, BUT ALSO BECAUSE SHE IS THE REASON HE WAS BROUGHT TO THE TRIBE IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT IS A ROLE SHE INITIALLY RESISTS, BUT THE TWO SOON FIND A CONNECTION TOGETHER DESPITE COMING FROM SUCH DIFFERENT WORLDS. THEY SPEND THEIR DAYS SHOWING HIM THE WAYS OF HER PEOPLE, PARTICULARLY THEIR DEEP INTERCONNECTION WITH NATURE. WITHIN A MATTER OF WEEKS HE HAS ACHIEVED AN ASTONISHING LEVEL OF FLUENCY IN THEIR EXOTIC TONGUE.

HOWEVER, THE YOUNG MALE HEIR TO THE TRIBE'S THROWN STILL MISTRUSTS THE FOREIGNER, AND IT TAKES A GREAT DEAL OF TIME BEFORE HIS TRUST AND RESPECT IS INEVITABLY EARNED. THROUGH THEIR STRUGGLES TOGETHER, THEY GO FROM BEING BITTER RIVALS TO BEING BROTHERS IN ARMS.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT ISN'T LONG BEFORE THE SOLDIER'S OLD MILITARY COMRADES CATCH ON TO WHAT HE'S UP TO, WHICH BORDERS ON TREASON SINCE NOT ONLY HAS HE BEEN NEGLECTING THE TRUE PURPOSE OF WHY HE WAS STATIONED THERE, BUT HE HAS ALSO ESSENTIALLY BECOME ONE OF THE TRIBE, SWITCHING SIDES TO JOIN A PEOPLE SEEN AS NOTHING MORE THAN ANIMALS.

THE NATIVES FIERCELY RESIST THE MILITARY'S ATTEMPTS TO EXPLOIT THEIR PRECIOUS LAND AND RESOURCES, SO TENSIONS QUICKLY FLAIR INTO ACTS OF BRUTE FORCE. THE HERO HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO TURN AGAINST (AND EVEN KILL) HIS OWN KIND IN DEFENSE OF WHAT HE FEELS IS RIGHT. IN THE END, THE NATIVES PREVAIL AND THE MILITARY IS SENT PACKING... BUT FOR HOW LONG? FOR NOW, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT HE HAS FOUND HIS PLACE STANDING BESIDES THE WOMAN HE HAS CHOSEN TO LOVE AND PROTECT. HE IS NOW TRULY A MEMBER OF THEIR WORLD.


...BUT ENOUGH ABOUT "DANCES WITH WOLVES". HAS ANYONE SEEN "AVATAR" YET? I HEAR IT'S IN 3D!

CHILLING DEVELOPMENTS

SINCE THE DAWN OF MAN, THE JAPANESE HAVE REBELLED BRAVELY AGAINST THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM OF PUTTING PROPER HEATING OR INSULATION IN ONE'S HOME.

MY APARTMENT WAS 6 DEGREES CELSIUS THIS MORNING. MY FRIDGE IS SET TO 5 DEGREES.

I'M WASTING ELECTRICITY.

TENNIS BALL WHERE MY ANKLE SHOULD BE

I'VE RECENTLY HAD MY FOOT TURNED INWARD AND SIDEWAYS, PULLING THE STRETCHY PIECES THAT HOLD MY FOOT IN PLACE UNTIL THEY GAVE WAY AND MADE A LOVELY “POP!” SOUND.



IT HAPPENED WHILE FIGHTING OFF HALF A DOZEN HOME INVADERS. IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE ALL OF THEM WERE MINORITIES.

DAMNED NORWEGIANS.

MY HEAD IS IN THE CLOUDS

OK, SO I'M UPDATING A MONTH AND A HALF LATER INSTEAD OF A WEEK LIKE I PROMISED. SHUT IT. I DON'T WANNA HEAR A WORD. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVEN READ THIS ANYWAY.

SO... WHERE DID I LEAVE OFF? VOLCANO CLIMBING? OK...

CONTRARY TO MOST OF JAPAN'S ISOLATED NATURE DESTINATIONS, THE PEAK OF MOUNT KAIDON IS NOT ADORNED WITH A MULTITUDE OF CONVENIENT VENDING MACHINES. AS SUCH, I WISELY GRABBED A DRINK FROM THE MACHINE AT THE BASE OF THE VOLCANO INSTEAD, AND WAS SURPRISED TO FIND MYSELF UNDER THE WATCHFUL GAZE OF A CAGED MOUNTAIN GOAT. I BADE HIM GOOD MORNING AND BEGAN MY CLIMB.


THE TRAIL WAS MADE OF A VERY DARK MOIST SOIL, FLANKED ON BOTH SIDES BY ROWS OF FERNS. AT TIMES THE TRAIL INEXPLICABLY DESCENDED INTO A WIDE DITCH, BRINGING THE GROUND LEVEL UP TO MY SHOULDERS. I WAS FOLLOWED FOR SOME DISTANCE BY THE WORLD'S THIRD MOST PERSISTENT FLIES*, BUT OTHERWISE IT WAS QUITE PLEASANT.

DESPITE THE RELATIVELY COOL CONDITIONS UNDER THE TREES, IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE SWEAT WAS RUNNING OFF MY FACE AND WATERING THE TRAMPLED GRASS BENEATH MY FEET. THE HEAT I GENERATED FROM THE CLIMB SOON HAD WAFTS OF STEAM BILLOWING OFF MY EXPOSED HEAD AND HANDS.

TOWARDS THE UPPER HALF OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE TRAIL OF SOIL AND FERNS WAS REPLACED WITH PILES OF STONES AND BOULDERS WHICH MADE THE WAY A BIT MORE DIFFICULT TO TRAVERSE. SOME AREAS HAD SMALL WOODEN STEPS INSTALLED TO ASSIST CLIMBERS - BUT THE EFFECTS OF TIME AND WEATHER HAD ERODED THE SOIL AWAY FROM THE BASES, LEAVING BEHIND USELESS BLOCKADES ELEVATED TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND. MORE OF AN OBSTACLE THAN AN AID.



TWO HOURS AND FOUR VERTICAL KILOMETERS LATER, I REACHED THE TOP, OR AT LEAST I THINK I DID. THE TRAIL SIMPLY ENDED. THE CLOUDS PREVENTED ME FROM SEEING MUCH ON ONE SIDE, AND THE DENSE TREES PREVENTED ME FROM SEEING INTO THE CRATER ON THE OTHER.



THERE WERE A FEW RANDOM BOULDERS THAT CLIMBERS CLAIMED AS SEATS WHERE THEY ATE THEIR BOXED LUNCHES AND TEXTED THEIR FRIENDS FROM. MOST OF THEM SEEMED DISAPPOINTED BY THE CLOUDS, BUT I WAS HAPPY TO JUST SIT THERE AND BREATH IN THE MIST AS IT PASSED OVER US IN WAVES.


SO, ON THIS DAY I HAD AGED ANOTHER YEAR, BUT MY FOOLISHLY RUSHED CLIMB BACK DOWN ADDED ABOUT FIFTEEN YEARS TO MY WOBBLY KNEES. THE FOLLOWING DAYS OF GRIMACED CLIMBS UP SIMPLE STAIRCASES MADE IT A BIRTHDAY I WOULDN'T SOON FORGET.

*The world's most persistent flies being the African variety that swarm around the stained undersides of swishing animal tails, followed closely by the awful swarms that any person will be intimately familiar with if they were foolish enough to step into the deep woods of Maine during summer.**

** I was foolish enough to step into the deep woods of Maine during summer. With me was a group of less than liberal college students whose t-shirts celebrated the merits of “Tree-Hugging”, albeit with the enormous claws of logging machinery. One such student was convinced that swatting the black flies and consuming quantities of their tiny corpses would integrate the pheromones of the fly into his own scent, thus freeing him from from being a target of the toothy black clouds swarming around our heads. I still question the soundness of his logic, but for the sake of full disclosure, he seemed to be the only one not perpetually waving his arms around his skull in a futile defense against the airborne aggressors.