HAPPA BAPPADAY

I WOKE UP A FEW WEEKS AGO ONE YEAR OLDER THAN I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. I DON'T CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY ANYMORE. INSTEAD, I CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY 29th BIRTHDAY. IT'S A DIFFICULT THING TO EXPLAIN IN JAPANESE.

MY FRIEND LAURA INVITED ME TO A FARMER'S FAIR WHERE SHE WAS SERVING GOAT SOUP. A CHANCE TO TASTE GOAT IN LIQUID FORM, YOU SAY? IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN MY HUMID ISLAND BEFORE I PASS UP AN INVITATION THAT GOOD!

AT THE FAIRGROUND, MY FRIEND WAS WALKING HAND IN HAND WITH A LITTLE 6 YEAR OLD CUTIE NAMED ASUKA. IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE ASUKA GRABBED MY HAND AND BEGAN PULLING ME HERE AND THERE AS WELL. I WOULD INFORM ANYONE WHO LOOKED AT OUR ODD TRIO STRANGELY THAT SHE WAS OUR DAUGHTER. THIS WAS MET WITH POLITE NODS.


LAURA'S MAIN SQUEEZE YOSHIRO WAS UP FOR THE ANNUAL UDON (NOODLE) EATING CONTEST. LAST YEAR HE CAME IN 2nd TO A SIZABLE YOUNG LADY WHO INHALES FOOD, AS OPPOSED TO EATING IT. THIS YEAR, HOWEVER, HE CRUSHED ALL WHO OPPOSED HIM. 15 SMALL BOWLS IN 3 MINUTES. I WAS AS AMAZED AS I WAS APPALLED.

AFTERWARDS, I WENT OFF ON MY OWN TO A SPECIAL SPOT CALLED INOJOUFUTA. IT'S AN UNEARTHLY COASTLINE COMPRISED OF KNIFE-EDGE ROCKS AND DEAD CORAL OUTCROPS. TRULY A THING TO SEE (YEAH, BUT YOU CAN'T SEE YET - THE PHOTOS AIN'T READY).




THAT NIGHT I WENT TO AN IZAKAYA TO MEET A FEW FRIENDS AND COWORKERS FOR FOOD UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT IT WAS IN HONOR OF MY CONTINUING AGING PROCESS. THE BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT JAPANESE CULTURE IS THAT THEY ALL FELT OBLIGATED TO BRING A GIFT. THE AWFUL FLIPSIDE TO JAPANESE CULTURE IS THAT I WILL NOW HAVE TO DO THE SAME FOR THEIR BIRTHDAYS.





AFTER 3 HOURS OF EATING, DRINKING, AND TALKING NONSENSE, MANY OF THE REMAINING PARTY-GOERS INSISTED ON CONTINUING THE DRINKING AND NONSENSE TALKING PORTION OF THE CELEBRATION AT A LOCAL SNACK BAR (CHECK BACK A FEW POSTS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT A SNACK BAR IS, AND WHY I WAS LESS THAN THRILLED BY THIS PROPOSITION).

SO... MY FIRST STEP INTO THE BAR OF SNACKS, REPLETE WITH TREPIDATION. WE WERE SEATED IN THE CORNER AND PROVIDED WITH TWO FEMALE CONVERSATION PARTNERS - A MODERNIZED AND PROFOUNDLY LESS ROMANTICIZED INCARNATION OF THE ANCIENT GEISHA GIRL. THE WHITE FACES AND ELABORATE KIMINOS HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY MASCARA AND PROM DRESSES FAR TOO SHORT TO SIT PROPERLY IN. THE GIRL TO MY RIGHT SEEMED NICE ENOUGH. IT WAS HER FIRST WEEK ON THE JOB. SHE CAME TO THE ISLAND FOR THE SURFING, AND THIS WORK IS CLOSE TO THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY AVAILABLE TO YOUNG FEMALES MOVING HERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TRAINING SHE COULD HAVE HAD IN THE VAUNTED "ART OF CONVERSATION" YET, BUT SHE SEEMED TO HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH MY POOR GRAMMAR, AND SHE WAS CAREFUL TO DUMB DOWN HER VOCABULARY TO MY LEVEL - SO SHE GETS MY STAMP OF APPROVAL. IT WAS AN ODD VIBE TO KNOW SHE WAS BEING PAID TO CHAT WITH ME, SO I DISCARDED ANY PRETENSE THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY FLIRTING, AND HAD A FRANK CHAT ABOUT HOW SHE FELT ABOUT WORKING THERE. HER RESPONSES SEEMED SURPRISINGLY HONEST. I WISH HER THE BEST, AND HOPE TO NEVER SPEAK TO HER UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES AGAIN.

AFTER THE ENTIRE BAR SANG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, IT WAS CLOSING TIME. EVERYONE STUMBLED OUT, AND ON THE WAY HOME I MET A NUMBER OF HOMEBOUND ASSOCIATES AND COWORKERS DOING THEIR OWN RESPECTIVE STUMBLING. I ALSO CAME ACROSS TWO TRUCKS PARKED IN AN ODDLY SUGGESTIVE MANNER. WHY AM I SUDDENLY REMINDED OF THAT MOVIE "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM"?


HAVING SUCCESSFULLY MANAGED THE 30 MINUTE 2am STROLL HOME WITHOUT BEING HIT BY ANY DRUNK DRIVERS, I'D HAVE TO LABEL THIS AS ONE OF THE MORE SPECIAL BIRTHDAYS I'VE HAD IN QUITE A WHILE.

NO, NOT BIRTHDAY. IT WAS ONE OF THE MORE SPECIAL ANNIVERSARIES OF MY 29TH BIRTHDAY THAT I'VE HAD IN A WHILE. THANKS, EVERYONE.