JAPAN DAY 4 (PT.3): THE DAY THE POLITE JAPANESE STEREOTYPE DIED

IT'S ELECTION SEASON HERE IN JAPAN. I'M WALKING AROUND KAMAKURA WITH MY 2 LADY COMPANIONS, WHEN I SPOT A WALL PLASTERED WITH THE FACES OF VARIOUS POLITICAL HOPEFULS. ALL HEADSHOTS, ALL LOOKING APPROPRIATELY DIGNIFIED AND STOIC... EXCEPT FOR THIS MADMAN BELOW. I WAS SO ENAMORED WITH HIS CRAZED LOOK OF BEING SIMULTANEOUSLY DRUNK WITH POWER, YET DESPERATELY FEARFUL... I JUST HAD TO TAKE A PHOTO. LOOKING AT THE PIC NOW, I'M NOT SURE IF THE DROPLETS RUNNING DOWN THE FACE OF MY MACHIAVELLIAN FRIEND WERE SIMPLY REMNANTS OF A RAIN SHOWER, OR IF HE WAS TRULY PERSPIRING RIGHT THROUGH THE SURFACE OF THE POSTER. MY GUESS? I SAY HE'S SWEATIN' BALLS!


I WAS PRETTY PLEASED WITH MYSELF (TURNED OUT TO BE 1 OF MY 3 FAVORITES PHOTOS FROM THE TRIP... OR AT IN LEAST THE TOP 5). MY WALKING PARTNERS, HOWEVER, WERE A BIT BEFUDDLED. THUS WAS I GIVEN THE SECOND OF THREE NAMES KEIKO WOULD BESTOW UPON ME THIS DAY...

NAME #2: "HEN NA GAIJIN" (WEIRD FOREIGNER)

WE ARRIVED AT KOTOKUIN TEMPLE, RESTING PLACE OF THE 13 METER HIGH BRONZED INCARNATION OF AMIDA BUDDHA. NOTE THE HINGED OPENINGS ON HIS BACK. MAIKO SAID THEY ARE WINDOWS FOR PEOPLE WHO CLIMB THE INSIDE OF THE STATUE - BUT I'M CONVINCED THAT'S WHERE HIS ROBOT WINGS SPROUT FROM WHEN HE IS CALLED UPON TO PROTECT JAPAN FROM GODZILLA, AND OTHER SUCH ORNERY RUBBER-SUITED BEASTS.





ON OUR WAY BACK TO THE TRAIN STATION, WE STOPPED AT A KOREAN TEA HOUSE FOR A SNACK. THE ONLY OTHER PATRONS WERE A TABLE FULL OF TEXANS. I ONLY MENTION THAT CUZ... WHO ELSE CAN SAY THEY FOUND A TABLE FULL OF TEXANS AT A KOREAN TEA HOUSE IN RURAL JAPAN? I ENTRUSTED MAIKO AND KEIKO WITH FOOD ORDERING DUTIES, AND ENDED UP WITH A BOWL FULL OF BEANS. SOYBEANS IN THE MIDDLE, SOME OTHER KINDA BEANS ON THE LEFT, AND SILKY TOFU (SOYBEAN CURD) ON THE RIGHT - ALL SOFTENED UP AND SWEETENED INTO A UNIQUE DESSERT DISH. IT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY NICE.


ON THE RIDE HOME, KEIKO COULD HARDLY KEEP HER EYES OPEN. AH, AFTER A LONG DAY, THE TABLES HAD FINALLY TURNED IN MY FAVOR. I ROSE FROM BEING A HELPLESS TEASEE TO A RIGHTEOUS TEASER.

ME: KEIKO OBAACHAN, DAIJOUBU? NEMUI? (ARE YOU OK THERE, GRANDMA KEIKO? FEELING SLEEPY?)
KEIKO: <...SILENT GLARE...>

WE WOKE UP OL' SLEEPYHEAD AFTER ARRIVING AT TOKYO, AND MET MY OTHER FRIEND FOR DINNER AT AN OLD FASHIONED IZAKAYA RESTAURANT. I FORGET WHAT THE PLACE WAS CALLED, BUT APPARENTLY THE ROUGH TRANSLATION OF THE NAME INSPIRED KEIKO WITH SOMETHING NEW TO CALL ME. THUS WAS I GIVEN THE THIRD AND FINAL OF THREE NAMES KEIKO WOULD BESTOW UPON ME THIS DAY...

NAME #3: "UNCLE BEANS"

I'LL REFRAIN FROM DISCLOSING DETAILS, BUT THE DINNER CONVERSATION CENTERED AROUND A MUCHO GRANDE LIFE DECISION KEIKO WAS ABOUT TO DIVE INTO HEADFIRST. LIKE A SCRAPPY DOG SMELLING FEAR - MY PAL SENSED HER UNCERTAINTY, AND GLEEFULLY TORE INTO HER PLANS WITH HIS MERCILESSLY COLD LOGIC. SHE SPENT THE BETTER PART OF THE EVENING DEFENDING HER DREAMS AGAINST HIS ATTACKS - LEAVING HER TOO BUSY TO TEASE ME ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. NOT UNLIKE JAPANESE SUSHI, I FIND REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED RAW.

DESPITE WHAT I MIGHT BE LEADING YOU TO BELIEVE, I'M REALLY GLAD TO HAVE MET HER. SHE WAS A REAL CHARACTER. KEIKO, IF YOU'RE READING THIS (THOUGH I KNOW YOU'RE NOT), BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR DREAM. AND BE CAREFUL THE NEXT TIME YOU GO OUT TO EAT WITH 3 SUCH HOPELESS CYNICS.

TODAY I DISLIKE: WATER NOT BEING A DRINK CHOICE AT IZAKAYAS
TODAY I LIKE: KARMA