JAPAN DAY 1 (Pt.2): I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERF*****G STEAKS ON THIS MOTHERF*****G PLANE!

MY PLANE TOUCHED DOWN 14 HOURS LATER, AND ALL THAT STOOD BETWEEN ME AND COZY BED WAS A SERIES OF IMMIGRATION/SECURITY CHECKPOINTS; A 1 HOUR TRAIN RIDE FROM NARITA; A NUMBER OF SUBWAY RIDES THROUGH THE WINDING BOWELS OF TOKYO; AND A CAR RIDE FROM ONE END OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST CITY OVER TO THE COMPLETELY OPPOSITE END... SO I WAS STILL JUST ROUGHLY 2/3rds OF THE WAY TO MY DESTINATION.

MY TURBAN WEARING FRIEND (WHOM I MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUS POST) ENDED UP IN FRONT OF ME AT THE LAST OF MANY CHECKPOINTS BEFORING EXITING THE AIRPORT. HE WAS POLITELY ASKED FOR HIS PASSPORT. HE WAS THEN POLITELY ASKED FOR FURTHER IDENTIFICATION. HE WAS THEN POLITELY ASKED TO SUBMIT HIS BAG FOR INSPECTION. LASTLY HE WAS FRISKED (POLITELY, OF COURSE). THEN IT WAS MY TURN. A QUICK FLASH OF MY PASSPORT AND A QUICK FLASH OF MY SMILE WAS ALL I NEEDED TO BE ALLOWED THROUGH.

MY FRIEND (AND HOST) SHINPEI MET ME AT UENO, AND ESCORTED ME TO THE LOVELY HOME OF HIS FAMILY. THEY HAD A WONDERFUL MEAL ALREADY PREPARED FOR OUR ARRIVAL. NICE.

I SHOULD MENTION HERE THAT I'M A VEGETARIAN, AND HAVE BEEN FOR MORE THAN HALF MY LIFE. YES, I ACTUALLY CHOOSE TO COMPLETELY ABSTAIN FROM EATING ANIMALS, AND AM VERY STRICT ABOUT DAIRY PRODUCTS. IF I HAD ONE YEN FOR EVERY TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED, "NOT EVEN FISH?!?", I'D HAVE, LIKE... SOOO MUCH YEN! MY FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME OF A JAPANESE MAN THAT ENCOUNTERED ANOTHER SUCH AMERICAN WHOM ABSTAINED FROM EATING ANIMAL CARCASSES. THE MAN KINDLY LET THE VEGETARIAN IN ON THE FACT THAT, "A FISH IS REALLY JUST A VEGETABLE THAT SWIMS." TRUE STORY.

I FIND EXPLAINING VEGETARIANISM TO JAPANESE PEOPLE TO BE NOT UNLIKE EXPLAINING QUANTUM PHYSICS TO A HERD OF GOATS. THEY SIMPLY DON'T GET IT. FORTUNATELY, JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE FAR MORE RESPECTFUL OF SUCH CRAZY IDEAS THAN GOATS TEND TO BE. THEY ALSO SMELL BETTER THAN GOATS. IN FACT, JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE FOR BETTER COMPANY THAN GOATS IN ALMOST EVERY WAY, BUT THAT'S GETTING AWAY FROM MY POINT. MY POINT IS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'M REGARDED AS MILDLY INSANE, ALL JAPANESE PEOPLE I'VE HAD THE FORTUNE TO BECOME FRIENDLY WITH HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OUTRAGEOUSLY ACCOMMODATING TO MY PARTICULAR DINING LIFESTYLE. THIS WAS EXEMPLIFIED IN THE HOME-COOKED MEAT-FREE FEAST OF SOUP, TOFU, TEMPURA, SALAD, AND VARIOUS EXOTIC VEGETABLE SPREADS THAT I FILLED MYSELF ON THIS NIGHT. AFTER A 24 HOUR PERIOD OF HAVING EATEN NOTHING BUT AIRLINE FOOD, THIS WAS THE WARMEST WELCOME I COULD POSSIBLY ASK FOR.

IN MY EFFORTS TO MAKE LIFE EVEN LESS ENJOYABLE THAN A STEAK-DEFICIENT DIET WOULD SEEM, I ALSO TEND TO ABSTAIN FROM CONSUMING ALCOHOL. IT'S NOT A "RULE", REALLY - JUST A LACK OF INTEREST. HOWEVER, AS PART OF THE WELCOMING MEAL, A FINE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE WAS UNCORKED TO TOAST THEIR AMERICAN GUEST. THEY ALREADY KNEW I WASN'T MUCH OF A DRINKER, BUT I WAS NOT ABOUT TO REFUSE SUCH A GESTURE. WORDS OF WELCOME WERE SPOKEN, GLASSES WERE RAISED, DRINKS WERE DOWNED, AND THROATS (MINE, SPECIFICALLY) SPASMED INTO AN EMBARRASSING FIT OF FIERCE COUGHING AND WHEEZING. GOOD LUCK TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT THE FIZZY DRINK HAD SIMPLY GONE DOWN THE WRONG PIPE, AND THAT YOU ARE NOT, IN FACT, A SAD LITTLE NANCY-BOY WHO CAN'T HANDLE A SIP OF CHAMPAGNE - EXPLAINING IN BROKEN JAPANESE, NO LESS. IN SUCH A CASE, I DOUBT I'D BE ABLE TO CONVINCE ANYONE OF THAT, EVEN USING ENGLISH.

OH WELL. SO MUCH FOR FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

TODAY I LIKE: HOME-COOKED MEAT-FREE FEASTS OF SOUP, TOFU, TEMPURA, SALAD, AND VARIOUS EXOTIC VEGETABLE SPREADS
TODAY I DISLIKE: HOW I SMELL AFTER 24 HOURS OF TRAVELLING